Funny Quotes

Posted by Vebra on May 15, 2013

A city is a large community where people are lonesome together.
- Herbert V. Prochnow

People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first.
- David H. Comins

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way if he gets angry, he will be a mile away and barefoot.
- Sarah Jackson

When the silent majority opens its mouth, it is usually to yawn.
- Gerd de Ley

A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
- Fred Allen

A penny will hide the biggest star in the universe if you hold it close enough to your eye.
- Samuel Grafton

When you are down and out something always turns up - and it is usually the noses of your friends.
- Orson Welles

A good listener is a good talker with a sore throat.
- Katharine Whitehorn

Space isn't remote at all. It's only an hours drive away if your car could go straight upwards.
- Fred Hoyle

It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and say the opposite.
- Sam Levenson

A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him.
- Sidney Greenberg

If your cat falls out of a tree, go indoors to laugh.
- Patricia Hitchcock

The Earth has a skin and that skin has diseases, one of those diseases is man.
- Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police.
- Jeff Marder

If you think you're too small to have an impact, try going to bed with a mosquito in the room.
- Anita Roddick

The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass.
- Martin Mull

There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
- Oscar Levant

How can you govern a country which has varieties of cheese?
- Charles De Gaulle

Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
- Sue Murphy

Money doesn't always bring happiness. People with ten million dollars are no happier than people with nine million dollars.
- Hobart Brown

Prediction is very difficult especially about the future.
- Niels Bohr

Experience is the worst teacher, it gives the test before presenting the lesson.
- Vernon Law

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
- Lilly Tomlin

Don't worry if you're a kleptomaniac -- you can always take something for it.
- n/a

Ninety-nine percent of the people in the world are fools and the rest of us are in great danger of contagion.
- Thornton

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
- Woody Allen

When a man sits with a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. But let him sit on a hot stove for a minute -- then it's longer than any hour. That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein

When I want to know what France thinks, I ask myself.
- Charles De Gaulle

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.
- Edgar Bergen

There are people who don't like capitalism, and there are people who don't like PCs, but there's no one who likes the PC who doesn't like Microsoft.
- Bill Gates

A politician is a person who thinks twice before he says nothing.
- Joe Moore

Only the most foolish of mice would hide in a cats ear but only the wisest of cats would think to look there.
- Andrew Mercer

A smiling face is half the meal.
- Latvian Proverb -

What's another word for "thesaurus"?
- Steven Wright

Art is making something out of nothing and selling it.
- Frank Zappa

It's never to late to have a happy childhood.
- Wayne W. Dyer

Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee and just as hard to sleep after.
- Anne Spencer Morrow Lindbergh

Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it.
- Gordon R. Dickson

If you're going to sin, sin against God, not the bureaucracy. God will forgive you, but the bureaucracy won't.
- Hyman Rickover

Be aware that a halo has to fall only a few inches to be a noose.
- Dan McKinnon

Nice guys finish last but we get to sleep in.
- Evan Davis

It's hard to take over the world when you sleep hours a day.
- Darby Conley

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Other topics: Relationship - Motivational - Friendship - Cute Love

InspirationalQuotes.Asia Updated: May 15, 2013